I miss you

You’re everywhere yet nowhere to be touch

I really missed you. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about you

I tried tiring myself out, I tried really hard to forget, I drank and did everything I could, but I still missed you a lot

How many days have gone by while I stared at the same window? 

It seems like time had stopped around me.. Feels like my heart froze again.. Remind me of the past where it felt nothing towards anyone. Can’t be touch, can’t be broke.. 

But still.. No matter how hard I tried to built up my wall again, I can’t throw the feeling that’s already been there.. I can’t throw ‘you’ away… Why?

Being broken-hearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong, but every breath hurts. It hurts so much that I prefer death than dying like this.

Hundreds of “How to move on” articles I’ve read. But none of them works. Day by day I lived in agony. I might be smiling in the outside but I think you can guess already that I’m dying in the inside. Well, like I’ve said.. I really tried everything I can think of. But still… I missed you a lot..

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Coward? 

In the game of love, someone once said that the one that fall in love first is the loser. Then.. In that case, I should be the winner then. Because I fell in love with him after he had fallen in love with me first. 

But then again, I’m the one that fight for “this”. “This” as in our not-so-complicated-but-you-make-it-complicated relationship. Like each other, cherish each other, possibly love each other. Oh well, at least I know that I love you. But can’t have the bf-gf status. 

I knew you were trouble ever since you told me your vague situation. But my heart already yours and it chose you. It’s battered, filled with bandage and stitches here and there but it’s the only one I got. It’s the only one that remain..

I entrust it to you, knowing that you’ll betray me one day. Knowing that you still don’t understand the meaning of commitment and regret. And foolishly thinking that I could change your mind, that my feelings are strong enough to make you understand the meaning of those words.

When the time came, you just shut me off. You decided to shove me, threw my heart outside your window and shut it. Leaving me all alone without any explanation. 

Honestly, I really wanted to hate you.. But at least I’ve tried. I’ve tried to love again, even though it had to end with pain again. I’d rather face my own feelings and be true to my heart than being a coward who ran away from their own feelings because it’s so overwhelming and they’re not ready yet to face it.. They don’t even know what to with it..