Coward? 

In the game of love, someone once said that the one that fall in love first is the loser. Then.. In that case, I should be the winner then. Because I fell in love with him after he had fallen in love with me first. 

But then again, I’m the one that fight for “this”. “This” as in our not-so-complicated-but-you-make-it-complicated relationship. Like each other, cherish each other, possibly love each other. Oh well, at least I know that I love you. But can’t have the bf-gf status. 

I knew you were trouble ever since you told me your vague situation. But my heart already yours and it chose you. It’s battered, filled with bandage and stitches here and there but it’s the only one I got. It’s the only one that remain..

I entrust it to you, knowing that you’ll betray me one day. Knowing that you still don’t understand the meaning of commitment and regret. And foolishly thinking that I could change your mind, that my feelings are strong enough to make you understand the meaning of those words.

When the time came, you just shut me off. You decided to shove me, threw my heart outside your window and shut it. Leaving me all alone without any explanation. 

Honestly, I really wanted to hate you.. But at least I’ve tried. I’ve tried to love again, even though it had to end with pain again. I’d rather face my own feelings and be true to my heart than being a coward who ran away from their own feelings because it’s so overwhelming and they’re not ready yet to face it.. They don’t even know what to with it.. 

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6 thoughts on “Coward? 

  1. hi Alfleria,
    i don’t understand about your story, or about him
    you mention, he love you first but it was complicated without any status
    plus you mention about his “vague situation”
    as a reader, it makes missunderstanding
    🙂
    Have a nice day

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    1. Dear Linda.. First of all, thanks for reading my blog.. I know it’s kinda complicated to explain. But I’m trying my best to explain it without disclosing too much personal information. Because I know no one liked to be exposed to media. That’s why it’s kinda vague but what I wanna do is express my feelings. And I secretly hope that he will stumble across this blog someday and read it.
      Anyway, may I know what kind of misunderstanding you had?

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      1. How you knew that he loved you but without status, i bet he never asked you to be his gf. But how come you knew it.
        You never asked him about the status? You never told him if you wanted status?
        If you do not mention his name, i think it’s okay, it’s not exposed his personal information.
        It’s ambiguous post, if you wrote your story please figure out that you are also a reader. They need intro, conclusion or closing in story.
        Maybe this is too much to ask and blablabla, but i like read something from intro until the conclusion so feel indeed

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  2. He never asked me to be his gf. But he told me that he cherish me and that I am special. Of course I wanted a status at first but then he told me that he can’t have a gf bcos of something that I also not fully understand. And I’m sure not bcos he had a gf already or something like that. These posts doesn’t meant to have full intro nor conclusions. It is supposed to be a way for me to vent my frustrations. So, some readers may not fully understand the meaning of my writings.

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