Counting

It’s been 7 months and 10 days since the last time I saw you. But, who’s counting, right? 

Feels like a zombie these days. Laughing outside, empty inside. Read so many articles about moving on but still stuck here. Trying to mingle but my heart can’t seem to open up. Now just whining here. 

Feels like I’m wasting my days. I knew you were trouble when we first met. But, little did I know that our encounter means catastrophe to my life.

Since I fall for you, my life seems colorful. But now it’s gray and white. 

When I fall for you, I feel many emotions. You make me feel like I’m a normal human being. Capable of feeling love, hate, happy, sad, confused, content. Everything. Unlike now. Nothing. Nothing at all.

How I wished I were a robot. Or having an amnesia. How I wish witches are real and they could make this amazing potion to forget things.

Time is known as the best healer for this kind of disease. But, I haven’t feel any effect yet. Been more than half a year, yet I’m still stuck in 2015. One of the best year in my wretched life. Feels like I was trapped in a room where the only thing that shown by the projector was the best memories of us.

One month

Two months

Three months

Four months

Five months

Six months

Seven months

And until God knows when..

My gosh.. I really need to stop counting..

Dream

It’s been ages since the last time I had such a pleasant dream.

A really beautiful one.

The one that makes me cry when I woke up.

The kind of dream that you don’t ever wanna wake up from.

Because it was so sweet..

So unreal…

Makes me remembering those sweet yet painful memories of you..

Of us..

Can’t shake this memories of you holding me close while we’re sleeping, 

Your rhythmical breathing while you asleep,

I even miss your not-so-loud snore! 

But, what I miss the most is when you kiss me on the forehead and lips in the morning..

How can I forget those things?!

Damn! 

How I miss you so bad..

Moving on from… Not friend, not boyfriend, more like boy-with-no-status-but-love-each-other-friend

Dear readers, It’s not easy to move on when you still in love with that person the person that already fall out of love with you. Same thing that I have to go through these past few months. I’m in love with someone that’s not even my boyfriend. He’s definitely not just a friend in the friend zone but more like boy-with-no-status-but-love-each-other-friend. Is that make any sense?  My mind isn’t in the right place for the past few months. So pardon my expression. 

I’m sure all of you that ever got their heart broken before had read articles in any kind of websites about how to get over your ex, how to move on, bla bla bla. Well, so did I. All of them have several things in common, but one thing that I remember clearly are find a new love and get yourself preoccupied with other things. 

Find a new love? Hmmm… Sounds easy but it’s not. I’m sure that you don’t need me to point it out that if we can just find a new love on the street, we won’t need to suffer endless nightmare every night. As for me, I can’t stop thinking about him every night till I can’t sleep, drowning myself on ice cream and Korean dramas, faking smile or laugh, and last but not least, felt this sting whenever you see something that resembles the memory of you two. Can’t help but thinking, “Ah.. We also used to do that.”. 

Being broken-hearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong, but every breath hurts

Preoccupied yourself with new things. Do things that you love or can make you addicted to it. Don’t do drugs of course! And don’t go running with cleaver on your hand and then start tearing apart people’s limbs. The point is.. Do something that will tire you out but in a good way. Like, if you’re single (Doh! Of course) and still young, be a workaholic!!!! Or if you’re overweight, go run and excercise every day and night. I can guarantee you! This one will work out. Don’t do things that will give you too much free time or it will defeat it’s purpose. Bcos free times means more time for you to think about him or her. So it’s a baaaaddddd idea. As for me, I chose the first one. Living in Sydney (one of the most expensive city in the world) being a workaholic really helps me financially. That way I don’t have time to think about him and I earned a lot of money. So I can pamper myself. Eating good food, shopping, spa and.. Giving myself a chance to find a new love. 

I cried, cried my lungs out, and stopped crying

Giving yourself some time to grieve is a good thing. It’s like your pet suddenly died and you have to give your heart some time to mourn it. Sort your feelings out. But in this case, instead of your pet, it’s your feeling for that special person that died. Give your heart some time to reborn. Believe it or not, your heart is like Phoenix. You know.. That bird that can reborn from its ashes. So, no matter how many times your heart died bcos of love, it will reborn again after some time. Believe me.. Time will heal your heart.

So.. While I’m also still struggling to move on, deep down I believe that life is like Jelly belly Harry Potter Bertie Bott’s edition. One time you eat lemon drop flavor, next one you can get the rotten egg flavor. No one knows what you’ll get unless you tried it. Love is like gambling. You will either win or lose. If you win, then good for you. But if you lose, get another chip and play again ^^

I miss you

You’re everywhere yet nowhere to be touch

I really missed you. No matter what I did, I couldn’t stop thinking about you

I tried tiring myself out, I tried really hard to forget, I drank and did everything I could, but I still missed you a lot

How many days have gone by while I stared at the same window? 

It seems like time had stopped around me.. Feels like my heart froze again.. Remind me of the past where it felt nothing towards anyone. Can’t be touch, can’t be broke.. 

But still.. No matter how hard I tried to built up my wall again, I can’t throw the feeling that’s already been there.. I can’t throw ‘you’ away… Why?

Being broken-hearted is like having broken ribs. On the outside it looks like nothing is wrong, but every breath hurts. It hurts so much that I prefer death than dying like this.

Hundreds of “How to move on” articles I’ve read. But none of them works. Day by day I lived in agony. I might be smiling in the outside but I think you can guess already that I’m dying in the inside. Well, like I’ve said.. I really tried everything I can think of. But still… I missed you a lot..