Don’t

Too many girls rush into relationships because of the fear of being single,

Then start making compromises and losing their identity

Don’t do that.

I’m 27 gonna be 28 soon, single, with no boyfriend or fiancé or whatever, living my life to its fullest.

In Asia, being single (not married or don’t have any boyfriend) in 27 is either you can’t attract a guy or you’re lesbian and afraid to admit it (Majority Of Asian country wont accept LGBT). Good thing is, I’m neither of those.

I have guys chasing after me but I made myself unavailable for them. I may go out from time to time, hang out, chillin, but that doesn’t mean they have my heart. I’ve been hurt before and that’s one of the biggest reason that I’m stayin single. I’m not afraid of what the society think of me. Even when my parents started to comparing me with the others, I stand firm on what I believe. I’m sure there are other women like me out there. It’s a huge world after all.

My ideal marriage is to be married with someone you truly love. You can’t just get married for the of getting married. That’s beyond stupid. I have a friend who’s getting married out of obligation. And now? He’s unhappy, living separated from his wife and kids. That’s how scary it can be if you marry for the wrong reason and unluckily with the wrong person as well. Please, don’t do that.. We only have one life and don’t make it miserable.

Well, it’s not like I don’t wanna get married. It’s every women dream to get married to the man they love sincerely from the bottom of their heart. So men, please make that day the best day every. Because it will mark the first journey of you two together as man and wife.

I do wanna get married but I’m not rushing it. If I feel he’s the one, I will wait for a bit longer and see if he’s really the one. It’s not easy to find “the one”, I can vouch for that. I’ve been with many men just to get disappointed over and over again. Well, that’s life. Accumulating experience so you’ll know what to do next time. Lol. But I never rush into a relationship just because I fear that no one will love me once I hit 30. I know God prepare someone for me out there. It’s just we took our time finding each other. Not as fast as others. After a long and winding road, I believe we will meet somehow, somewhere.

So dear fellow comrades, never rush into a relationship. Just let it flow. Open your eyes and heart carefully. Be smart. Be funny. More importantly, be who you really are. Because you don’t wanna be trapped in a relationship where you have to work 24/7 as an actress. Meaning, faking yourself. I know I wouldn’t want that.

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Quotes Of The Day #97

I’m about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule:

The word busy” is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes.

The word “busy” is the relationship’s Weapon Of Mass Destruction.

It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call.

Remember! Men are never too busy to get what they want.

B*tch?

Truth is, I get jealous easily because what’s mine IS mine.

I’m stubborn as hell,

I say sorry too much (sometimes),

I act like I don’t give a fuck because I care too much.

I over analyze the smallest things and probably come off as a bitch to simply guard myself..

Faith

What does faith mean to you?

Do you have faith in something higher?

Do you believe that faith can bring good things into peoples lives?

To me, faith means believing in something other than yourself. I don’t believe that any two people can possibly hold the same view on faith whether their faith is religion based or not. I do believe in something higher, I was raised that way. My mother and I went to church every single Sunday and most Wednesday’s. I don’t go to church now, which I probably should but I’m still deciding how I feel about my religious faith as an adult without my mother’s influence.

When I think about faith my mind doesn’t automatically go to religion, it probably should but it just doesn’t. It goes to him, everything does. He is my every thought, I’m not entirely sure if that’s a good thing but that’s the way it is and I have faith that it will work out for us in the end. Yes, he is difficult and overprotective, sometimes even controlling… OK, he’s often controlling but I have faith in him that he means well with each frustrating action. My relationship with him test me in ways that I never thought imaginable but every second is worth it. I have faith that one day the deep fear of losing me will dissolve and he will embrace our future together, that’s all I want. I know he wants it too, though he would never say it. I have so much faith in that man that I will take every single tear, every single pointless argument, I’ll take it all just to be around for the day when he has faith in himself. I have faith that one day he will say what he feels openly and honestly, finally putting an end to his self-imposed exile.

I have faith that one day he will finally see that he isn’t a villain. He tries so hard to be one but deep down he’s really a hero. He’s been my hero, my tormentor at times, but mostly my hero. He saved me from myself, I spent my life pretending to be someone I wasn’t and he has shown me that it’s OK to be myself. I don’t have to conform to the person my mother wanted me to be and I thank him dearly for it. I have faith that he will see how truly incredible he is, he’s so incredibly perfectly imperfect and I love him so much for that. He may not show it the conventional way but he tries and that’s all I can ask for from him. I have faith that if he continues to try, he will finally allow himself to be happy. I will continue to have faith in him until he stops trying.

Pain

Does pain turn people away from their God? If so, how?

Pain can turn anyone away from just about anything. Pain is capable of causing you to do things you would never consider doing, such as blaming God for your pain.

Pain.. such a simple word that holds so much inside. I have come to learn that pain is the strongest emotion one can feel. Unlike every other emotion there is no upside to pain, no positive notion that can make you look at the pain from a different perspective, there’s only pain.

Lately, I have become very well acquainted with pain the ache has nearly become unbearable. Sometimes when I’m alone, which is more often than not as of recently, I find myself trying to decide which type of pain is worse.

The answer isn’t as simple as I thought it would be. The slow and steady aching pain, the type of pain that comes when you’ve been hurt repeatedly by the same person yet here you are, here I am, allowing the pain to continue, it never ends. Only in those rare moments when he pulls me to his chest and makes promises that he never seems able to keep does the pain disappeared. Just as I get used to the freedom, my freedom my self inflicted pain, it returns with another blow.

I have decided that the hot, burning, inescapable pain is the worst. This pain comes when you finally begin to relax, you finally breathe, thinking that the pain is yesterday’s problem when in fact it’s today’s problem, tomorrow’s, and every day after that. These pain comes when you pour everything into something, into someone, and they betray you so suddenly that the pain crushes you and you feel as if you are barely breathing, barely holding on to that small fraction of whatever is left inside you begging you to go on, not to give up.

Sometimes it’s faith that people hold onto, sometimes, if you’re lucky enough you can confide in someone else and trust them to pull you out of the pain before you drown in it for too long.

Pain is one of those hideous places that once visited you have to fight your way out and even when you think you have escaped you are permanently branded.

If you’re like me, you don’t have anyone to depend on, no one to take your hand and assure you that you will make it through this hell. Instead, you have to lace up your boots, grab your own hand, and pull yourself out.

Something Funny, Something Nostalgic

I was waiting in line to check out at some supermarket. Accidentally, I saw this particular thing that caught my attention. It was a condom. Durex. Strawberry flavor. Well, I know condom is a common thing. Even the strawberry flavor can’t be count as uncommon as well. It’s just suddenly my locked-deep-down memory came into the light. The lock just came undone and let the box opened.

It was memory from 2 years ago. One day, I told him that I wanted to see funny and unusual condoms. Not the ordinary one. And I don’t wanna buy it myself, bcos it will be too embarrassing for me. He just laugh and say nothing else.

Few days later, he brought home something in a plastic bag and handed it over to me.

“Here you go.” Throwing the plastic bag to me.

I caught it and ask him, “What is this?”

He grab the towel and went to the bathroom without answering my question first.

I decided to open the plastic bag and I found 2 box of condom inside. I can’t seem to recall the brand but one box contains 8 condoms with 4 different type. 2 hot, 2 cold, 2 flavored, and 2 textured. Even more, he also got me the glow in the dark type!!! I’ve been super curious about that one!

I feel like a kid that just got new toys! I know how silly this sounds to get so excited over condoms. But for me it really was exciting! I’ve been wanting to see and touch that kind of condoms for a long time (mainly because I was curious as in how those condoms feels and look like), but never had the courage to buy it myself. And telling him that I wanted it also something that I never asked anyone else before as well. He was the first and I thought he won’t get it. Unexpectedly, he did get some for me.

I was so engrossed checking those condoms one by one and didn’t realize that he already finished his shower and looking at me from the door. He was smiling, laughing a bit, “Are you really that happy just because I got you those condom?”.

I was looking at him, smiling broadly, and nod, “Very! Thanks!”. 

After that, well, I think you guys could guess the rest of the story already… 😉

After remembering that bittersweet memory, I can’t help but smile.. Close the box again and put it back to where it belong. The deepest part of my heart..