What Love Looks Like

What does love looks like?

The therapist asks one week after the breakup

and I’m not sure how to answer that question

except for the fact that I thought love looked so much like you

That’s when it hit me

and I realized how naive I had been

to place an idea so beautiful on the image of a person

as if anybody on this entire earth could encompass all love represented

as if this emotion seven billion people tremble for would look like a five foot eleven medium-sized brown-skinned guy

who likes eating frozen pizza for breakfast

What does love looks like?

The therapist asks again

This time interrupting my thoughts mid sentence and at this point I’m about to get up and walk right out the door

except I paid far too much money for this hour

so instead I take a piercing look at her

the way you look at someone when you’re about to hand it to them

Lips pursed tightly preparing to launch into conversation

Eyes digging deeply into theirs

searching for all the weak spots they have hidden somewhere

Hair being tucked behind the ears

as if you have to physically prepare for a conversation on the philosophies or rather disappointments of what love looks like

Well

I tell her

I don’t think love is him anymore

If love was him

he would be here, wouldn’t he?

If he was the one for me

Wouldn’t he be the one sitting across from me?

If love was him, it would have been simple

I don’t think love is him anymore I repeat

I think love never was

I think I just wanted something

was ready to give myself to something I believed was bigger than myself

and when I saw someone who could probably fit the part

I made it very much my intention to make him my counterpart

And I lost myself to him

he took and he took

wrapped me in the word special

until I was so convinced he had eyes only to see me

hands only to feel me

a body only to be with me

Oh, how he emptied me

How does that make you feel?

Interrupts the therapist

Well I said

It kind of makes me feel like shit

Maybe we’re all looking at it wrong

We think it’s something to search for out there

something meant to crash into us

on our way out of an elevator

or slip into our chair at the cafe somewhere

appear at the end of an aisle at the bookstore

looking the right amount of sexy and intellectual

But I think love starts here

everything else else is just desire and projection

of all our wants needs and fantasies

But those externalities could never work out

if we didn’t turn inward and learn

How to love ourselves in order to love other people

Love does not look like a person

Love is our actions

Love is giving all we can

even if it’s just the bigger slice of cake

Love is understanding

We have the power to hurt one another

but we are going to do everything in our power

to make sure we don’t

love is figuring out all the kind sweetness we deserve

and when someone shows up

saying they will provide it as you do

But their actions seem to break you

rather than build you

Love is knowing whom to choose

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Don’t

Too many girls rush into relationships because of the fear of being single,

Then start making compromises and losing their identity

Don’t do that.

I’m 27 gonna be 28 soon, single, with no boyfriend or fiancé or whatever, living my life to its fullest.

In Asia, being single (not married or don’t have any boyfriend) in 27 is either you can’t attract a guy or you’re lesbian and afraid to admit it (Majority Of Asian country wont accept LGBT). Good thing is, I’m neither of those.

I have guys chasing after me but I made myself unavailable for them. I may go out from time to time, hang out, chillin, but that doesn’t mean they have my heart. I’ve been hurt before and that’s one of the biggest reason that I’m stayin single. I’m not afraid of what the society think of me. Even when my parents started to comparing me with the others, I stand firm on what I believe. I’m sure there are other women like me out there. It’s a huge world after all.

My ideal marriage is to be married with someone you truly love. You can’t just get married for the of getting married. That’s beyond stupid. I have a friend who’s getting married out of obligation. And now? He’s unhappy, living separated from his wife and kids. That’s how scary it can be if you marry for the wrong reason and unluckily with the wrong person as well. Please, don’t do that.. We only have one life and don’t make it miserable.

Well, it’s not like I don’t wanna get married. It’s every women dream to get married to the man they love sincerely from the bottom of their heart. So men, please make that day the best day every. Because it will mark the first journey of you two together as man and wife.

I do wanna get married but I’m not rushing it. If I feel he’s the one, I will wait for a bit longer and see if he’s really the one. It’s not easy to find “the one”, I can vouch for that. I’ve been with many men just to get disappointed over and over again. Well, that’s life. Accumulating experience so you’ll know what to do next time. Lol. But I never rush into a relationship just because I fear that no one will love me once I hit 30. I know God prepare someone for me out there. It’s just we took our time finding each other. Not as fast as others. After a long and winding road, I believe we will meet somehow, somewhere.

So dear fellow comrades, never rush into a relationship. Just let it flow. Open your eyes and heart carefully. Be smart. Be funny. More importantly, be who you really are. Because you don’t wanna be trapped in a relationship where you have to work 24/7 as an actress. Meaning, faking yourself. I know I wouldn’t want that.

Quotes Of The Day #97

I’m about to make a wild, extreme, and severe relationship rule:

The word busy” is a load of crap and is most often used by assholes.

The word “busy” is the relationship’s Weapon Of Mass Destruction.

It seems like a good excuse, but in fact in every silo you uncover, all you’re going to find is a man who didn’t care enough to call.

Remember! Men are never too busy to get what they want.

B*tch?

Truth is, I get jealous easily because what’s mine IS mine.

I’m stubborn as hell,

I say sorry too much (sometimes),

I act like I don’t give a fuck because I care too much.

I over analyze the smallest things and probably come off as a bitch to simply guard myself..